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There's a hole in my bucket Dear Lizzie

The Beagle Editor, A parody about holes and buckets came to mind watching the live streaming of Council's Public Forum the other day:

Mr P interjects,

“Point of order, Dear Lizzie. Mr B has made an offensive remark and should withdraw it.”

Dear Lizzie demands,

“Mr B, you must withdraw your remark and apologise.”

Mr B responds,

“What remark, Dear Lizzie?”

Dear Lizzie

“There’s no need to be rude, Mr B. I didn’t hear your remark, but you must apologise for it.

Mr B explains,

“I can’t apologise if I don’t know what I’m apologising for, Dear Lizzie”

There are murmurings throughout the chamber, as Mr B used a big word in his remark. The the offending ‘word’ is eventually relayed to Dear Lizzie. It is such a big word, even bigger than ‘absolutely’, that Lizzie has trouble pronouncing it and no one seems able to define it.

Even the accuser, who dropped Dear Lizzie in it, failed to come to her rescue. Perhaps he didn’t know what it meant either, but it was such a very big word, it must mean something bad.

As a result of this dilemma, all went quiet as I-phones were hurriedly consulted.


Someone calls out.

Mr B, fed up with the delay and wanting to get on with with his presentation, finally succumbs,

“I apologise for anything you want me to apologise for, Dear Lizzie”

This was not good enough for Dear Lizzie. She retaliated with,

“I want a clear, definitive apology.”

Mr B patiently explains,

“I can’t be definitive in my apology if you can’t tell me what I’m apologising for.

Dear Lizzie, patience waning,

“You must apologise for your offensive remark”

Mr B,

“ What remark was that, Dear Lizzie?”

My sincere thanks to Mr B for making my day.

Patricia Gardiner

Deua Rivetr Valley


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